Top 10
(ProBlogger is running another Writing Project. I’m submitting the following post.)If you spend any kind of time reading this blog, it will become painfully obvious very quickly that I am stubbing my toe on an hourly basis when it comes to parenting my recently turned 15-year-old daughter. The year 2006 has been a year of learning painful lessons in the “what not to do when a Teen-Age Girl (T.A.G.) lives in your house” department.
Learn from me. I beg you; learn from me.
NG’s Top 10 list of “Don’ts” when parenting a Teen-Age Girl
Lessons from 2006
Lessons from 2006
10. Don’t teach your T.A.G. to drive. Using whatever means necessary, force your partner into taking that one on. Hey – I gave the “how to decipher the directions in the tampon box” talk; the least he can do is teach the kid to drive. You may ruin your marriage, but you will still have your sanity.
9. Don’t relocate your household. Just. Don’t.
8. Don’t allow slumber parties that include more than two T.A.G.s at a time. One will end up in tears and someone else will be called a bitch. T.A.G.s should not be allowed to congregate in groups larger than two.
7. Don’t enter the Inner Sanctum (the T.A.G.’s room) for ANY reason that does not involve eminent asphyxiation or broken bones. Even then, get written permission at least a week in advance.
6. Don’t say anything negative about anyone in a T.A.G.’s presence. T.A.G.s are physically incapable of keeping their damn mouths shut in front of the in-laws.
5. Don’t encourage participation in extra-curricular activities. This will cause a T.A.G. to drop every single after school activity no matter how much she enjoys it. Rebellion is not supposed to make sense, remember?
4. Don’t – under ANY circumstances – ask “What’s wrong, sweetie?” unless of course you enjoy angsty-emo T.A.G. behavior and incomprehensible music blasting from her room. (You mean they are actually singing lyrics? As in words? Those are words?)
3. Don’t say anything about a T.A.G.’s boyfriend. Just don’t. Not even if he is the biggest waste of oxygen you have ever laid eyes on and about a half-a-step away from landing himself in the “State School for Losers, WannaBe Criminals, and Too Young to Lock Up for Life.” This is a tough one…but stay quiet on the subject. It is that rebellion thing again.
2. Don’t try to help a T.A.G. do anything. A-n-y-t-h-i-n-g. Don’t help her saddle her horse. Don’t help her with her Algebra. Don’t help her unload the dishwasher. Don’t help her with anything on the computer. She is a T.A.G. and is intellectually superior to any and all life forms – on this or any other planet in the universe.
And the number one “Don’t” when parenting a Teen-Age Girl:
1. Don’t tell her you (ethically) hacked her email and MySpace accounts and can see everything she does online. (Big Brother’s got nothin’ on me, man.)
Can you guess which one of the 10 "Don'ts" I have not managed to do?
Labels: offspring
11 Comments:
I have two T.A.B.s -- I think the rules are surprisingly similar.
I'm guessing you let TB teach her to drive.
TAG's are alot like TAB's,for sure. Except for the slumber parties. We don't have those.
See..... C.A.T.S are so much better and less work. M.E.O.W.
(my cats have a myspace account and I hack it all of the time!)
Hi NG, As a father of three post-teen girls, I can confirm how right you are. Unfortunately, I learned most of these things the hard way. Most difficult (for a dad) is dealing with the subpar boyfriend. Grr.
My ProBlogger group post--
http://tinyurl.com/yby5ms
cool stuff.U started with a hilarious statement.Guess my cousion whould like to visit ur blog.
I also got entry in darrens project.
http://technospot.net/blogs/index.php/2006/12/19/predicting-the-evolution-of-techspot-insideout/
And i am feeding your blog.There wont be another chance to meet so many bloggers
Merry Christmas
Good post! I love how you've maintained a sense of humor about everything. :) That will definitely help keep you sane over the next few years...
icedmocha and rootie: T.A.B.s are looking like the enemy to me...I'm sure you can understand why.
naynay: save yourself. It is too late for me.
Brad: I'm happy to hear some have survived the process of raising T.A.G.s. How did you do it? :)
Ashish: Merry Christmas to you, too!
Nancy: you are reading humor where there should be desperation and frustration. I'm glad you enjoyed it, tho.
I totally understand. If I had a daughter I'm pretty sure we'd live miles out in the country with security fencing and very large dogs.
My daughter is just about 13. I already see the attitude coming. I'll keep these tips in mind and try to keep my sense of humor.
lol thanks for that I laughed throughout it. Everything you said is absolutely true lol.
I choose your post as one of my favorites from the group writing project. Here's the link to my post about it: http://www.nzprotag.com/2006/12/23/problogger-group-writing-project-my-picks-from-the-posts/
NG, sometime we'll have to talk email or msn or something. My T.A.G. is halfway to 17 and we've been through darn near every frightening thing any parent could ever wish not to go through.
I don't post details of that kind of thing online but if you want to talk sometime, we can.
Just know this. Even when you think you can't deal with one more thing... you will be able to.
Post a Comment
<< Home